Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I am leaving for my families house on Friday, I can't wait. It will make me feel normal again to be with the family doing fun things and enjoying Christmas. I am also going to Disneyland. I hope it is not full of kids reminding me that I don't have one, well I that is a dream that will not come true.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
- a great family and husband
- food on my table
- a job
- health insurance
- 2 dogs that bring me joy
- a car
- the opportunity to go to school
- overall good health
- a roof over my head
- the ability to help others
- a good head on my shoulders
......and much much more
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
After high school was college where I didn't party like a lot of new friends I made and was starting to think about marriage. I got married at 21 which was not normal for my age. None of my friends understood what it was like and I tried to make new ones but the married ones were older. So now I find the married ones but I didn't fit in because I was so young.
I am now 27 with friends my age who are married and older friends who are married. I thought I was starting to fit in until they all started having kids. Here I am again not fitting in.
The one thing I remember about not fitting in and liking it was in high school when I had my "own" style of dress. I got made fun of at times but I never wanted to see someone with the same clothes as me and I liked it that way. Now that I don't fit in because I don't have kids I need to find something that will make me like it.
The one good thing about not fitting in is I have a lot of freedom, which I will give up in a heart beat to have kids. I am a part of a secret society of women that only me and them can understand. Like my grandma said "you have always wanted to be different". This is true but do I really want to be different like this? Not really but I will embrace it for now.
Monday, November 10, 2008
We had the kids say many times through out the lesson " God has good plans for us". Every time I said it with them it made me think of my family plans. My family keep telling me God has a plan for DH and I but it is becoming redundant. I agree with them but the more it is said the more I am like, yeah I know. After reading this story it renewed my faith that we will have a family some day. I have everything I need right now and have to wait for the next step.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
My love, we have seen it all
The Endless confession,The rise and fall
As fragile as a child
Lately I'm sorry I can't hold a smile But I stand tall to get by No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start
My love, can you give me strength
Somehow I forgot how to ease my pain I know I'm right where
I belong Something from nothing never proved me wrong
But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
The part I like the most is about standing tall. It makes me think of how strong I have become from all of this. I never knew I had this kind of strength. If I continue to stand tall I think I can make it through.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I was shown this website. It would be a great place for Christmas gifts for us!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Let me back up alittle. DH bought a car and we are trying to sell his truck. It has been sitting in the drive way for a couple of months. Last week we needed it for some work we had to do so we renewed insurance on it to drive it. The last couple of weeks my car has felt funny. I needed 4 tires replace and we only got 2 a couple of months ago so I figured the other 2 were ready to be replaced. I thought since we are paying for IUI I would drive the truck for a couple of weeks.
I was right about the expired tags. I was thinking to myself if he asks where I was going should I say the med center? for a blood draw? to a dr. appointment? or would he be sympathetic to fertility treatment? I decided to tell him fertility treatments and that is why we can't afford new tires for my car and registration. Unfortunately he didn't ask! Boooo. He was actually really nice and I explained we were trying to sell it. He gave me a fix it ticket. He asked for my insurance but I couldn't find it, I don't think the new card was in the car yet. He asked for an old one, couldn't find that, DH keeps all kinds of crap in the car. He asked me if I was telling the truth and I said yes. Then I found an old one. He said I looked honest and he wouldn't fine me or write a fix it ticket for that.
I guess it is $900 if you don't have insurance. I would have lost it then and said "Please don't do that we are trying to have a baby, that could by 3 boxes of Gonal f". It is funny that everything I do now makes me think what I can do for that.
There is a vitamin B study where I work and I thought hmmm....it pays $250 that would buy 1/2 an ultrasound. Weird I know! I am just waiting now to hear from the nurse my lab results so I know how much GF I need to shoot myself with tonight.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling;
nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, or flatulence (gas);
fever or chills;
rapid pulse or heart rate;
muscle or joint weakness or aching;
spotting or menstrual changes;
pain, swelling, or irritation at the injection site; or
dry skin, a rash, or hair loss.
Lets see....headache (check), nausea (check), diarrhea (check), pelvic pain (check), muscle aching (check)
Not all but a few. I can't wait for hair loss and ovarian enlargement. We will see how I feel tomorrow. I will have 2 holes in my stomach and one in my arm. I hope I don't start leaking after I drink water.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Seeking potential mother
ability to mulittasks
works well with others
basic math skills required
ability to work well in stressful environment
good communication skills
ability to prioritze and make difficult decisions
must be able to work weekends and holidays
I am sure I am missing some. Luckily I am skilled in many of these areas so I hope I get the job. I have been thinking about other people they may not be this way and I can't imagine how stressful it is trying to keep it all straight.
I start shots tonight! Wish me luck.
Monday, September 29, 2008
AF started today, I have been anxiously awaiting her since Friday. I start shots on Wednesday then have a blood draw on Friday. I will be taking 150mm of Gonal F Wed. and Thurs. Then depending on my blood work they will change it, not sure what the blood work does yet. I hope this week goes well. I think last week was even more difficult because I was PMSing. No one made me cry this weekend, which was good. It was actually nice and relaxing just chilln. =)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I am on my way to pick up the meds now. It is all starting to be so real. I think it has been easy the last few months since I havn't done anything really. Just sat back and relaxed with no pressure. Now I feel the pressure of hoping it will work and what to do if it doesn't. We will see!