Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm a Mother waiting....

I was just watching my favorite show FRIENDS. Of course it is reruns but it still is the best show ever. This was the episode where Chandler and Monica are trying to adopt a baby and were mistakenly chosen by the girl who is in all the funny movies. She thinks they are a Reverend and a doctor. When she discovers they are lying just so they get the baby she leaves. Chandler follows her into to the hall and explains how much he wants Monica to have a baby that he can't give her one etc. Then he says she is already a mother she just needs a baby.
This is how I feel. I am so ready. I am already so motherly and ready to take care of a little one. I just don't have it yet. It made me cry a little and pray for a miracle. I have been doing really well but the void is still there.
I am ready!

Sunday, May 3, 2009


I really wish I was able to keep a little computer in my bag so every time I had a thought I could blog. It seems like I only get to after all my "chores" are done and DH is gone. Oh well. I have been thinking about coping a lot lately. I have been told how well I am doing, which doesn't always make it better. I found that I am doing so many things to cope with my situation. I have my wonderful support group, daily strength website, journal, talking to various people, exercise, and the lovely blue pill along with just keeping busy. I do all this yet still no baby. Still I feel sad a lot and wonder if it will ever happen for me. All this "coping" I am doing doesn't make me a mother. Now that mother's day is next week I am realizing that I won't be celebrating it once again. Maybe some day. All I will do now is cope. =(