Tuesday, November 9, 2010

3 days and counting

I made it through my 2nd FET and have 3 long days left of waiting for the results. I have had a few melt downs through the process and don't feel like myself. I am surrounded by pregnancy and new babies and it is killing me. No one really seems to understand I don't want to hear or talk about it, unless I bring it up. My IF friends are just about the only people I can handle seeing their babies because I know what a blessing they are to them.
I started thinking the other day about all the people I avoid and all the hurt and pain I have over this. I wonder when this is all over ,whether we have biological kids or adopt, will all my troubles be gone? What else will come in the way of me avoiding people. Will it be that their kid does better in school than mine? Or is healthier than mine? Or behaves better? I am leaning on the hope that having a baby will solve my problems but I know that new ones will arise. Rarely in life is everything smooth sailing. I have dealt with this for so long I almost don't even know life without it.
For now I will be filling my days with lots of stuff so it will go by fast. I think the longest day will be Friday. I hate waiting by the phone for the dreaded call. I answered the first time and could barely speak when she told me it was negative. Now I have DH answer and I stare at him and can tell by the look on his face and his response.

Okay, no I just made myself really scared!!