Sunday, November 29, 2009

And the stimming begins

I have been trying to keep busy the last few days so that they go by fast. I had a great time with friends yesterday and decided since I was starting my stimming meds today that I would make sure to play rough! I rode quads in the mud and had a blast knowing that it will be mellow times from now on.
I was actually pretty nervous all day just watching the clock waiting for it to be night so that I could take my meds. After a lot of thought about how my weeks usually go I decided that it would be best to do my shots around 9pm. After doing it I decided it would actually be better about 6pm but to late now! lol At least I won't have to rush home from work and not be able to go to the store or worry when there is traffic.
I am a pro at shots, with regular needles at least. The pen was a little different and made me nervous. It hurt a little but no biggy. I am sure I will be a pro at this soon too. I took my 2 pills as well. I read the label and one said to take with food or milk. I learned my lesson the other day by not taking a pill with food and had heart burn forever! Unfortunately I have not food in my house that I can eat since i am having caffeine with drawls today and didn't go to the store. I only had sugar free hot chocolate and nuts so that is what I ate with my pills. This has inspired me to go to the store tomorrow.

Friday, November 27, 2009

a big ol' package

Today I had to hang around the house until FedEx came to my door with a large box filled with meds and syringes on dry ice. It is kind of weird. I got another package today but it was filled with Christmas presents I ordered online, no ice required. I opened the box and was very overwhelmed. I had to figure out what needed to go into the frig right away and what needed to go after opening and what was all the other stuff.
The last couple of days have been really busy so that has been good for my sanity. I had a great Thanksgiving, spent the entire day cooking and cleaning. I cleaned up a little today and went shopping then to the movies. When I got home I wrapped presents and now I am writing Christmas cards. I want it all done because I am not sure how I will be in a week or two. Tomorrow I will spend the day with friends then Sunday it is time to start Gonal-f. I just want it all to go fast so I can get this over with!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

chugging along

Today is day 4 of injections. So far everything is going well. I didn't feel well here and there but nothing too bad. The injection burns a little and my stomach is crampy. I am surviving. I finally got good news today. My meds have gone through insurance and I will be getting them on Friday. Worst case scenario I will have to pick them up from my RE on Saturday if they don't come, they are aware. So now that stress is over. I took my last birth control pill last night so I will be getting a period in a couple of days, oh boy I can't wait! I will start Gonal-f on Sunday to stimulate my ovaries, Let...something a steroid, and Dex..something to help estrogen (those may be backwards).

This is when the real uncomfortable part will start but hopefully I will survive. I have not had any breakdowns the last couple of days so that is good to. I am making a conscious effort to be nice to DH so he won't forget why he wants to have kids with me! haha

I look forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow just relaxing and the rest of the 4 day weekend.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Day 1 down

This morning was the start of Lupron injections. Last night I was very anxious, actually all day, so I decided to decorate for Christmas and do a little shopping. My house is now decorated and more than 1/2 of the presents are wrapped and under the fake tree. When I was finished I realized that now it was almost bed time and I would be starting shots in the morning. That was a little nerve wracking. I had trouble sleeping and woke up several times too look at the clock, I needed to get up at 7:30 since that is when I will be doing my shots.

The shot was not too bad. The size of the needle and how it is done is the same as last time I did Gonal-f. The only thing different was that it stung a little. I could feel it for a few hours and the injection site was irritated and red but not for long. I will do this for 2 weeks to suppress ovulation. I stop birth control pills in 2 days. I am looking forward to the side affects being gone but they will come back with the other meds.

So far so good and still sane....for now.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Another hoop

I am starting to wonder if IF is more of a circus than a journey. I have been asked by a bunch of clowns, not the nice doctors and nurse more like the admin people and insurance people, to jump through a bunch of hoops. I am going to enter a ring of fire in a couple of weeks then walk on a tight rope. Instead of swallowing swords or breathing fire I will inject myself with more needles than a crack head! All of this will be for what I hope is a beautiful baby!

Today was another hoop. I called the pharmacy whom I have been reminded over and over delivers overnight. Well, yesterday when I called it was too late in the afternoon and their trucks were already out so I would have to get my delivery Saturday. I was a little nervous about that but okay their "over night" delivery was turning into a 2 day thing. So I called today as told to see what the damage was to my bank account. They didn't know yet but were expected to know in a couple of hours. Again I asked if I was still getting my package on Saturday. Of course I was because they deliver overnight. Then I call again 2 hours later to see the damage. Well, they still didn't know since it was still processing. I asked what the worst case scenario would be, which wasn't as bad as I thought. I again asked if I was still getting my package, of course since they overnight things. Okay, I am good. Then about 45 minutes later I get a call from the insurance rep from the pharmacy telling me that I still have not given my pre authorization and if I didn't get it to them in an hour their lovely overnight delivery trucks would be gone. I need the meds by Sunday morning so the water works started! I called my RE's office in tears telling them the situation. They told me to calm down, what? Are you kidding me I am a wreck. The nurse apologized and said the good thing is they deliver overnight. Well that is not so good when I will miss that and no deliveries are made on Sunday.
Luckily they keep meds in stock at the office for cases like mine. She told me she would keep working on it and to come by and pick up my meds that will last me a week. Okay, it was all settled. The only problem was that I was crying and couldn't stop. It was solved but it turned on the emotions that won't turn off. I was trying to contain myself, since I was AT WORK. Then I started thinking that I shouldn't be working because it is too stressful. I made it to the RE office and she gave me the meds and told me it is okay and we would get it all straightened out by next week.

I kind of think this week was 2 hoops that were FULL of fire. I am better now and made sure I had a yummy dinner from Chevy's since I can't eat a lot of things. I went on the treadmill, read and will now settle down for the night. I hope I do better tomorrow because Sunday is the day I start more drugs which will make me crazy and feel like crap. yikes.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

You Tube

We are getting closer only 2 more days until I start shooting myself. I finally was able to order my meds. They will come on Saturday before noon so I need to be home for the special delivery. I am still stressed about that since they don't deliver on Sunday and that is the day I need to get started. But, this is one thing down a thousand more to go.

So, I was watching videos on You Tube, oh you gotta love technology. They had everything on there you will ever need to know about this stuff. I have heard that the PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shot is quite the ordeal. This is the one DH will give me unless I really really have to do it myself. The ladies showed the needle! OMG is was huge. Then they stuck it in and slowly pressed the syringe. It takes a while since the oil is so thick. Some of the videos showed the men helping. One girl was yelling at her husband while her friend video taped. Umm...this will be us. haha Some may say "why in the world would you do that?". Well, I do not like surprises with pain. I want to know what to expect, what it will look like and most of all if its gonna hurt! This gives me a sense of control and knowledge that will calm my nerves. I won't have to do this for a few weeks so I am gearing up.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

not sure what to title this

Today was a busy day. I got blood work done, after trying to figure out if I "could" via my insurance. Why should they decide? It is really sad that things can't be easier with insurance but I guess I am thankful I have any. We also went to our nurse class. It was odd that there were 5 other couples in there. Usually we all sit in the waiting area wondering what the other is in for and who of the 2 is "broken", but this time I knew we were all doing IVF this month and even learned a little about their meds and past experiences. We were all pretty quite and looking scared, at least I wasn't alone.
The "presentation" was nothing new. I already knew how the process worked, what to expect during each step, etc. The one thing I really liked was the nurse went over the side effects of all the drugs, even your emotional state. She told the guys to be nice to us and supportive when we are crazy and not feeling well. I am glad that I did not have to tell DH. Pretty much I will be having hot flashes, bloating, nausea, and headache for most of the med...grrrreat. There were a couple of points in time where I had to use all my inner strength to hold it together. She talked about D day and what would happen if it worked. I almost lost it when she said we would hear a heart beat, I thought of around the time it would be. Then she moved on to if it didn't work, I almost lost it again. What will I do if it doesn't? I was at the front so I could not even try to dry my eyes. It was rough.
After the class I called to get my drugs. They told me 3 drugs but my list given by the doctors included only 2 of those 3 and 3 other? Luckily I am so anal that I doubled check with them then called the doctor. I am not sure where the mix up was but it is situated and my new prescription will be in tomorrow. Seriously, I don't want another stress! If I had not checked I would have spent $1,000 on meds I don't need and I am sure they would have not taken them back.
This week I will have to be home to wait for what I have heard is a large box of meds that I must sign for. This is weird. Who knew this would be how I was spending my holidays in 2009. So, the big day of Lurpon starts on Sunday the 22nd. I have to do those shots in the morning then a week later I start my evening shots of others.

Friday, November 13, 2009

What is on my mind...too

I just came across this and I felt like they had just read my mind.

Lord, Give me Strength...
To keep my cool when another period starts.
To keep my chin up when a co-worker announces her pregnancy.
To have a good relationship with my friend in spite of her ability to conceive easily and not be jealous of her.
To endure my sister-in-law's comments about toilet training.
To keep from crying when I see children begging on the roads.
To forgive my doctor when he keeps me waiting for two hours for a consultation - and then can't remember my name.
To make the right decision about treatment.
To maintain a good relationship with my husband in spite of all this.

It's helpful to remember the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Infertility is...
Watching your husband playing with your friend's baby and wishing you could give him one of his own.
Telling nurses to please take blood from your right arm because the veins in your left arm are all gone because of all the IVs you've had.
Avoiding people you haven't seen for a long time because you don't want to hear the question, "Do you have any kids yet?".
Feeling very left out when your friends start comparing their pregnancy or childbirth experiences.
Feeling like the whole town is pregnant except for you.
Getting tired of people always expecting you to do things because "you don't have any kids to worry about".
Waking up in the middle of the night and wishing you could hear your baby crying.
Wishing you could give your parents grandchildren.
Wanting to fall apart if one other person says, "Why don't you adopt?" Easy, right?
Sometimes avoiding friends who are pregnant or with newborns because you just can't handle the situation at that moment.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

We Begin

The day has come to start my IVF journey. Although I have been on birth control pills for 2 months now, the first step of IVF, this week was the real thing. I started my Monday am with a trip to the RE office to write the biggest check I ever wrote. It barely fit on the line! This was followed by a few little tears but nothing big.
Today was my baseline ultra sound and a saline solution ultra sound. I spelled that wrong earlier and found myself Googleing Celine Dion's recent miscarriage after her 2nd IVF. Poor thing. I think it would have been wise of her not to tell the world until she was further along. Anyways, everything is looking nice. My lining is nice, my ovaries are nice and there is nothing funky like polyps or fibroids.
The procedure was pretty simple but I felt a little crampy afterwards. Our next move is our shot class next week. We also have to do blood tests. It is a little irritating that we are having insurance issues over these little things but lets hope it gets worked out and we can move forward asap. I had a little bit of an emotional day. It is all getting so real and it is very difficult. I am worried about what is to come. This week I have been really sensitive. I am hoping that people will understand I may not want to talk, hang out or just cry for no apparent reason.

Here goes the roller coaster!