Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thought I was a genius

Today a friend asked me about an artist who had songs about infertility. I had heard of her before but thought I would freshen up on her songs. This started me down an emotional path of music on the subject. I Googled the term "songs about infertility". There were a few that popped up. I then thought "Wow, I should make a CD and sell it!" I know what you are thinking, I was too, I am a genuis. This may pay for treatment or I could be nice and use it as a fund raiser.
I went through a bunch of songs and started writing down the title and singer. It was a lot of fun. I started to come across many other people who had complied songs that either inspired them during their struggle or that were about the struggle. So, I guess I am not the genius that came up with it. I did come across this reggae song that made me feel good. It is kind of where I am at in life at the moment.

The song is "No Less Than a Women". It talks about not having kids doesn't make you less and that this is a time to help those kids out that don't have anyone. I have been spending a lot of time with kids, not that they don't have anyone, but non the less I would like to think in some way I have a motherly influence on them.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Am I ready?

After taking a break and having mostly a lot of fun, it is now time to jump back on the infertility wagon. I started BC last week and will start Lupron injects in 2 weeks. I am not sure if it is the BC or the anticipation or both that is putting me on edge. We have 8 snow babies ready for us when we are. I am just not sure if I am ready to head down this road once again. I don't want to go through the ups and downs of it all. We are on our last leg of this journey and know that a year from now I will either be with a baby, pregnant or on my adoption journey.

Who knew that 7 years ago I would be here having to make decisions like this. I expected to have a 6 year old and a 4 year old, maybe even a 2 year old. I thought at 29 I would be done having kids and finishing up graduate school. Well, in a sense I will be done having kids or at least trying to have them. I am just not sure if I am ready to be done. I really hope something good happens this fall. I don't know how I will be able to handle the holidays this year with all the new babies in my family if I am once again without.

We will see.