The phone call

Last night I could not sleep. I have been going over scenarios in my head of how I would feel or react when we got the phone call. I woke up ready to get it all over with. I thought of all the things I would do if it did or didn't work. I did a few errands after my blood draw and went home. I just sat there for a bit. Then DH came home and we sat close together on the couch staring at the TV. I decided to rest a little. Just as I fell asleep the phone rang. I told DH to get it I couldn't bare to answer.

He answered and I knew right away it was not good news. He had a stone cold look on his face and said "uh hum. uh hum. okay thanks". Then I lost it. I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. We are nearing the end of our dream and if it doesn't happen in the next round we are done! I can't believe it has been over 6 years and still no results. I feel so alone and so defeated. I did a little retail therapy and have decided if I can't have a baby then I will try my hardest to look good. haha

The good things are that I will have no more shots for a while, I don't have to be home at a certain time to give the shot, I can exercise and eat whatever I want. I still can't understand why this has happened to me and I may never understand but I will try to hold my head up high and trust that God will give us a family some day.

I want to wear this shirt so I have an excuse to be mean and no one will ask why! hehe